Starting Over
by jaelke421
Summary: Spoilers for Renuion. Just my thoughts on the team starting over from Gibbs's, Ziva's, and Tony's point of view. This started as a oneshot but I couldn't leave it alone.
1. Chapter 1

He couldn't say he was surprised when he heard the basement door open. It had been a tough case for everyone. A Marine wife was kidnapped, tortured, raped and left for dead by a sadistic killer, one who clearly wouldn't stop with just one victim. He'd seen it in Dinozzo's face as they took her monotone statement, her eyes devoid of life, and her body flinching at the slightest of noises. Listening to the victim recount what happened hit just a little too close to home. As far as he knew Ziva had only shared the truth of her ordeal in Somalia with the shrink as ordered by Vance and somehow he doubted she'd even scratched the surface then but it wasn't much of a leap to imagine her in the other young woman's place as the details of the case unfolded. It was too soon for a case like that and Vance had threatened to pull them off of it but by then they all had a vested interest in getting justice for the victim. And they had; but it still didn't make dealing with the aftermath any easier. Weary was the only way to describe how he felt and boat, bourbon, and basement had become an immediate necessity.

He'd had just enough time to change his clothes, pour the first of what he expected to be several rounds, and pick up his new chisel to work on the frame for the new boat when he heard the door. Frankly, his first guess would have been Dinozzo well on his way to being drunk or possibly Abby still needing to process her emotions. Instead, he was met with Ziva wearing an expression similar to the one she'd had on the flight home from Africa. Dinozzo and McGee had tried to shield her as much as they could as they worked the case but she'd refused their "coddling" as she'd called it and was clearly paying for it now.

He'd maintained his distance from her since their conversation in his basement a few weeks earlier. He'd been over it and over it a thousand times in mind and his gut told him her grief for her brother was real as was her appeal to him as her father figure. There was a voice in the back of his mind, though, that whispered maybe his gut was no longer infallible and no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't get it to shut up. The immediate trust he'd had in her after she'd saved him from Ari had been destroyed and she was going to have to earn his trust over time just as the other members of the team had.

So, they were starting over. And she was clearly working for it, almost too hard in fact. He sensed it was driven by desperation and he needed to address it but the voice had him avoiding what he knew would be an emotional conversation for both of them. The events of the past few months had him doubting, wondering if the desperation he sensed in her was to gain back his trust or to prove her loyalty to Eli by following yet another of his orders. Had she been tasked with regaining his trust or did she truly need it for herself? He hated that he was even asking the question.

Trustworthy or not, it didn't mean he wasn't still worrying about her. And the look on her face had him very worried. Given the distance between them, he was a little surprised she'd come to him. He suspected she'd talked to Dinozzo some given how well things were going between them. Dinozzo had made a passing comment the prior week comparing a suspect to Eli David and saying he was a "selfish bastard who screwed with his kids' heads and made them earn his love by giving him complete control of their lives" but he'd just nodded his head without encouraging him to continue. He thought it was a pretty accurate assessment of both the suspect and the Mossad director, though. Not surprisingly, she didn't say anything as she came down the stairs. She simply crossed over to the wall, and sat down, her arms wrapped protectively around herself. He started to reach for a jar of nails preparing to empty it but she shook her head.

"Alcohol makes the nightmares worse," was her whispered explanation.

He sighed and slowly walked over to ease down beside her. Sitting on the cold, hard floor for what he suspected was going to be more than a few minutes would not do much to relieve the weary ache in his body but he was hesitant to ask her to move in the state she was in. He settled in next to her, close enough to help her feel safe without invading her space. He was prepared to wait as long as it took for her to admit she was scared and needed his comfort.

When she finally talked, her words were not what he expected. "Why did you save me? If you do not trust me any longer, I do not understand why you would let Tony and McGee put themselves in harms' way for me."

He'd asked himself the same question ever since Vance had told him Eli played him and he still hadn't been able to stop himself from trying to find her. He'd finally concluded that it didn't matter whether he could still trust her or not; he loved her. Looking at her, he knew the situation called for complete honesty and he would give it to her though it was going to cost him emotionally before their conversation was finished. "Two reasons. Dinozzo needed to do it. He was blaming himself again and I wasn't sure he'd survive it this time."

"Oh, you did it for Tony. I understand." By the look on her face, she'd clearly expected an explanation like that; one that confirmed what she already believed: she wasn't worth it.

"Said I had two reasons, Ziver. That was only the first one." It was the first time he had called her by the nickname since she'd been back and it got her attention. "The second reason is because I love you and I wanted the bastard responsible for taking you away from me dead." Even as he said it, he wondered if they were both thinking the same thing. The bastard who was truly responsible for the chasm between them was alive and well in Isreal.

"I do not understand. How can you say you love me when you no longer trust me?" And there it was. The desperation he'd sensed over the last few weeks came through in the bleakness of her tone.

"It's called unconditional love. You said it yourself. I'm the closest thing you have to a father. Fathers love you unconditionally."

"No, they do not. At least not all of them." He expected the words but was glad to hear a bit of the fire back in the voice that spoke them.

"You're right. Loving unconditionally is a choice. Not every father makes that choice. But I did once. And now I'm doing it again. For you." He waited to let the words sink in, wondering how long it would take before she picked up on the reference to his past. He knew just telling her he loved her wouldn't be enough. She had no idea what a father's love was supposed to be. She had never experienced it and that thought alone gave him the resolve he needed to continue.

"Kelly loved being in this basement with me." He saw the shock on her face when he said his daughter's name. "She was a natural working on the boat, too. Even let her use a chisel once. Thought Shannon might kill me. She was afraid Kelly would try to work on the boat when I wasn't here to watch her. But I wasn't worried. We had a rule. No basement without Daddy. She promised me and I trusted her." He saw by the look on her face his use of the word trust had not gone unnoticed.

"Trusted her til the day my CO pulled me off a weekend training exercise to go meet Shannon and Kelly at the emergency room. She'd tried to use a saw and damn near cut the tip of her finger off. Could hear her screaming as soon as I walked through the door. It must've hurt like hell. First couple of days, we'd load her up on painkiller and I'd still spend most of the night holding her, trying to rock her to sleep."

"Did you ever let her in the basement again?" Ziva asked.

"Yea, I did. Loved spending that kind of time with her too much not to. Put a lock on the door, though. Up at the top where there was no way she could reach it. I'd like to think I could've trusted her not to come down here without me again but I wasn't taking any chances she'd get hurt. Asked her later why she did it. Said she missed me while I was gone and wanted to pretend we were together."

He paused and let what he'd already told her sink in before he continued. "See, just because I couldn't trust her any more didn't mean I stopped loving her. She was still my child. Did she have to face the consequences? You bet, and no matter how much it hurt me to watch, there wasn't damn thing I could do about it except be there to comfort her."

"She was an innocent child who made a mistake because she wanted to be with you. Of course you did not stop loving her." Ziva scoffed.

Up to this point, Ziva had remained fairly stoic. Engaged in listening to his story only because she recognized the significance of him talking about the child he had lost. He could see she had steeled herself against letting it touch her heart and her protective barriers were clearly up. She wasn't going to like the next thing he had to say.

"You trying to tell me what happened in Isreal was anything other than an innocent little girl desperately trying to win her father's approval and love?"

"I am far from innocent Gibbs!"

"Whatever innocence you've lost was taken from you by him, Ziva!" he yelled, then continued in a calmer voice. "Him choosing not to love you is his screw up, not yours. You deserve better and now you have it. But it isn't going to be easy. You've got some work to do. You've got to let go of the idea that you can ever earn his love and accept the love you haven't earned instead. You are going to have to let go of your anger and forgive him for not loving you so you can move on. You can't keep letting him control you. And…you're going to have to live with the fact that I've got a lock on the door for awhile. It's on my terms until I'm sure I can trust you again. Doesn't mean I don't love you and want you with me."

"It isn't that simple Gibbs." The defeat was back in her voice and it was heartbreaking to hear.

"Why not?"

"He will never let me go. He may act like he will right now but the time will come when he wants something from me again. When he realizes that he cannot manipulate me by withholding his love then he will use my fear of losing what I do love instead. He will threaten to end the liaison position and get me sent back to Isreal or worse, he will threaten your lives…yours, Tony's, maybe even Abby or McGee. Whatever it takes to get me to do what he wants. It will happen all over again and this time I will not have your trust and there will be no one to save me." And with that, the breakdown he'd been expecting since she walked through the door finally came. He pulled her to him and just held her as she sobbed, finally convinced he understood the true source of her desperation. She was deeply afraid of what Eli David could do to her and she felt helpless to prevent it. He waited until she was relatively calm again before he spoke.

"Not gonna happen Ziva. I will always protect you. I'm gonna be watching a hell of lot closer this time and the first sign I see that he's gotten to you, I'm moving in. Not gonna wait for you to come to me like I did before although it would be a helluva lot easier if you would. Isn't gonna just be me either. Tony, McGee, even Abby. Don't expect any privacy because you won't be getting it. Lock's on the door but we love you. We will do whatever it takes to keep you with us. Just keep telling yourself that until you believe it."

She looked into his face for a long time before finally speaking. "I know who I can trust now. I will come to you. And I will earn your trust again."

"I know you will."


	2. Chapter 2

"_I know you will."_

Those words gave Ziva a peace she hadn't had since the day Michael arrived in D.C. She knew Gibbs would sit here with her as long as she needed him to but she also sensed the restlessness in him that came from allowing himself to think about what he had lost. He needed to get back to his boat and she, more than anyone, could understand the anguish that drove that need so she gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, said a quiet "thank you" and slipped back up the stairs so he could be alone with his memories.

When she awoke the next morning, she was amazed at how long she had slept. Over the last few weeks, she'd started sleeping a little better and even had the occasional night without any nightmares but she hadn't expected last night to be one of them, especially after the case they'd had. At the very least, she'd expected to lay awake processing everything Gibbs had said to her. Instead, she'd fallen asleep almost as soon as her head touched the pillow and slept almost ten hours without waking once. It was Saturday so she decided to indulge herself and wallow in the blissful comfort of her bed just a little longer when her phone beeped. It was a text from Tony asking if she wanted to meet for lunch. They'd occasionally spent time together outside of work since she'd returned to NCIS a few weeks ago but she had a feeling this was more. His subtle way of trying to check up on her after the case they'd just finished.

She typed a reply letting him know she'd had a conversation with Gibbs the night before that she needed time to process. She'd call him if she felt like getting together before Monday. She knew he would understand. In fact, that had been one of the most surprising things about the last few weeks. The way Tony just seemed to understand. Before their conversation in the men's room, she'd thought restoring her relationship with Tony was going to be the one of the hardest parts about being back. Of course, that was before she realized Gibbs knew about Eli ordering her to kill Ari and that she had lost the trust he once had in her. Although she knew she had hurt him deeply, Tony had forgiven her quickly and easily. Maybe it was because he felt he needed her forgiveness too. Or maybe it was because he, too, had faced Salim while tied to a chair. She didn't know nor did she really want to analyze it. She was just glad that it was.

She thought about what Gibbs had said the night before. About how he wouldn't be the only one watching over her and she realized even more how true her words to Tony had been. He always had her back. He would need to be more careful this time, though, and not try to protect her alone. She should tell him that. Make sure he went to Gibbs if he thought something was wrong. Make sure he understood that was what she wanted him to do. She had told him she couldn't afford to trust him but now she knew she couldn't afford to have him trust her too much. She couldn't afford to lose him.

The details Vance had worked out with Eli forced her to have a relationship with Mossad and, if she was honest, even she didn't trust herself when it came to Eli. He'd taught her to fear him from the day she was born. Most of all she had feared his anger and rejection and he'd used that to control her. He had been proud of her at first when he saw that Gibbs had tried to protect her by claiming he was the one to shoot Ari. "Ah, you have done well, my dear," she remembered him saying. "You have won the man's heart." It wasn't until three summers later when Vance had sent her back to Israel and Gibbs called that she realized Eli knew the truth. Gibbs had won her heart as well that night in his basement. Thinking about it now, she realized the night Gibbs called was the first time she turned to Michael for comfort from the aching loneliness she'd felt since returning to Tel Aviv. And then she'd been naïve enough to believe Eli had sent her back to Washington again because, after nearly losing her in Morocco, he wanted her somewhere safe, somewhere she had a chance at happiness and a future that didn't involve dying before her thirtieth birthday. It was the first time he had done something seemingly unselfish for her and she had wanted so badly for it to be real. Together Michael and Eli had played her well.

Gibbs, on the other hand, had always been straight with her. Even when he'd left her in Israel, he'd been unselfish enough to let her choose who she trusted rather than trying to manipulate her into choosing him. Now that she understood how much he loved her, she realized what that choice must have cost him. And then to see what it had led to must have eaten him up. She'd been confused by the guilt in his eyes as he carefully watched her on the plane home from Somalia but she understood it now. He believed he had once again failed to protect someone he loved.

As she thought about the contrast between Eli and Gibbs, she wondered how she'd ever been stupid enough to put her trust in Eli that day on the tarmac. He'd demanded she prove her loyalty, though, and she wasn't ready to face the consequences if she did not, so she had given Gibbs an impossible choice. Leaving with Gibbs that day would have meant no turning back and she wasn't ready to give up her only remaining family and her ties to a country and cause she'd served almost her whole life. It was ironic considering that less than two months later she had given up everything, even her will to live, and hoped for nothing more than for her life to be mercifully over. But her life wasn't over thanks to the love of a man she'd rejected in favor of her pointless allegiance to Eli. "Never again," she promised herself. "He has my love and my loyalty now and I will find a way to prove it to him."

She hadn't realized she was speaking out loud until the words echoed off the bare walls of her new apartment. Looking around, she realized she really should get some pictures or something, anything to start making it her home. Up until now, she'd been so glad to be out of the Navy lodging that she'd been content with the bare necessities and instead focused on making her desk at NCIS hers again. Maybe she'd drag Tony to the store with her if he didn't already have other plans for the afternoon. Shopping probably wasn't really his thing but he was definitely amused by the fact that she enjoyed it. "Can't believe you're into something so…girly," he'd teased her when she'd finally admitted she often spent her Sunday afternoons at the mall and then he'd promptly volunteered her to help Vance with the Christmas toy shopping. If nothing else, his running commentary would distract her from the fact that she was being forced to replace every material thing that had ever meant anything to her. Everything she had brought back with her to Washington a year ago had been destroyed in the fire Hadar had set in her previous apartment and her pride would not allow her to ask Eli to have any of the things she'd left behind in Israel shipped to her.

So, she would start over. She'd cherish the love of her teammates and the man she now thought of as her father and she'd make Washington her home. And she'd find a way to regain Gibbs trust but she'd do it with the confidence of knowing that she could take her time and let it rebuild naturally because, in the meantime, he still loved her. And the next time he asked her if this was her home, she'd respond with an emphatic "Yes!" Grabbing her phone, she decided she'd begin by spending the afternoon hanging out with her partner.


	3. Chapter 3

Tony took another sip of his beer and fumbled for the remote so he could flip the channel over to the Ohio game. He tried to concentrate on the scores and where he stood in the office football pool instead of thinking about the case they'd just finished. He'd been worrying about Ziva since Gibbs had sent them home last night and had finally given in to his urge to check on her this morning. A conversation with Gibbs had to be a good thing, right? At least he hoped it was. Things had been off between the two of them since she'd been back. It had been especially clear when they'd ended up on a three day stakeout her second week back at NCIS. Ever since Ziva had joined their team the first time, Gibbs had paired himself with her on long stakeouts and put McGee with Tony. The third time it happened he'd made one of his usual inappropriate jokes about Gibbs always getting the girl and their fearless leader had pointed out that maybe he always picked her because she knew how to keep her mouth shut for more than five seconds at a time. This last stakeout, though, Gibbs had chosen McGee as his partner instead. He'd seen the momentary flash of hurt on Ziva's face before she'd quickly masked it. He'd hoped maybe Gibbs was just trying to give the two of them a chance to spend the time rebuilding their partnership but as the weeks progressed, he began to see other evidence that something had shifted in Ziva's relationship with Gibbs. Before he could analyze it any further, though, his thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing. As he reached to answer it, he was relieved to see it was Ziva.

She made small talk at first and then hesitantly asked him if he was too busy to take her to the mall to shop for items for her new apartment. Her mini had been leased for her by Mossad and they'd returned it to the dealer when she stayed in Israel. She still hadn't gotten another vehicle to replace it so the few times she'd asked him to do something outside work, she'd wrapped it in the excuse of needing a ride. So…she wanted to go shopping. He couldn't resist teasing her. "Shopping? Seriously, Ziva? You do realize college football is on, right?"

Her reply caused him to instantly regret his response. "Oh, of course you would prefer football to shopping with me. It is no big deal. I can go another time." Dammit. If he had to choose the one thing he hated the most about the impact of the last few months it was Ziva's loss of confidence regarding her place in their lives. Six months ago she would have hit right back with a remark about him being a couch potato while she actually got off her ass and did something on Saturday afternoons. He didn't know who he blamed more for the change: Micheal, Eli, or Salim. Based on what she'd told him during the stakeout, his money was on Eli. From what he could tell, the bastard had been messing with her head her whole life.

"Hey, I was kidding. Just let me grab a quick shower and I'll be right over. Maybe we could have dinner at that Italian place you like too since we'll be at the mall anyway. What do you think? Still on your pasta kick or are you back on the healthy salad bandwagon?" That had been another weird change the last couple of months, too, the way she seemed to scarf carbs every chance she got. It had started to slow down finally, though, and he wondered if maybe she'd just instinctively known what to do to get herself back to a healthy weight. It had been a relief to see how much better she already looked when he and Tim ran into her at the elevator the first day she met with Vance. A frail Ziva was just wrong.

"Yes, please do take a shower. I have had the Dinozzo experience when you do not and it is very unpleasant. And I told you that I do not kick pasta. I kick ass. Italian sounds good for dinner. I will see you soon." He chuckled at her pasta comment. It had been a running joke between them since the first time he'd referred to her pasta kick as such and she'd pretended to misunderstand what he meant. "What are you talking about, Tony?" she'd joked. "Why would I be kicking my food? And why is it any business of yours what I eat? Maybe I should kick you instead, yes?" He knew she'd misunderstood on purpose and would've called her on it but the sparkle in her eyes when she said it had momentarily silenced him and he missed the chance for the comeback. She'd countered with, "Speechless, Tony? You really must be afraid I will kick your ass." And with that, she'd had him laughing out loud. His partner was definitely back.

Driving over to Ziva's fifteen minutes later, he thought about the time they'd spent talking during the stakeout. The first couple of days most of their conversation had been similar to the whole pasta kick exchange: fun, lighthearted, and healing. The last day she'd surprised him by opening up, though. Of course, they didn't talk about what she'd been through in Somalia. Neither of them wanted to go there. But she did talk about Eli. Talked about him a lot, in fact. She started the conversation by asking him if he remembered the time they were trapped in that cargo container and he'd asked her to tell him the first time she realized Daddy wasn't perfect. When he said yes, she'd softly told him Daddy had never been perfect. He'd never hurt her physically but emotionally he'd been cruel. She'd started with one of her earliest memories of disobeying him as a small child and told how he'd disciplined her for it by taking her most beloved stuffed animal and making her watch it burn away in the fireplace. He'd let her cry that time but as she grew older he took even that luxury away. Anytime she showed devotion to anything other than him, he'd systematically removed it from her life until she'd learned to pretend that nothing touched her heart. Next, she'd told him about Ari and how he tried to shield her from Eli as much as he could when they were growing up and that she had idolized him for it. She'd believed him when he denied killing Kate right up until the moment he'd pointed Gibbs' own rifle at him. Finally, she'd told him about confronting Eli with Michael's betrayal and how Eli had demanded that she take Michael's place and make his mission her "aliyah" in order to prove her loyalty to him once again. "I made the wrong choice," she'd said. "Gibbs was right to leave me behind. I needed to learn who I could really trust." Somehow, Tony thought Gibbs probably hadn't intended for the lesson to be quite so harsh.

They'd gotten a lot done in a couple of hours and Ziva seemed pleased although she'd whined that she'd maxed out her new credit cards and was going to be broke for months so he would have to buy dinner. Of course, that could have something to with the fact that he talked her into getting a sweet entertainment system complete with TV, DVD player and an ipod docking station in addition to the high-end cookware, pictures, throw rugs, and other decorative items she'd picked out. He saw her eyeing the keyboards as well and he remembered she'd lost her piano when her apartment blew up. The first time she'd gone back to Israel, Abby made McGee move it to her place, refusing to believe that Gibbs wouldn't find a way to get his team back. She'd lost the ipod that Abby had given her as well on the Damocles but the morning after Abby figured that out, there had been a brand new one on her desk. McGee had helped her get around the filter that kept them from downloading itunes at work and she'd filled it with music during Gibbs' coffee breaks. She'd scheduled delivery on the entertainment system for the next Saturday since she was reluctant to ask Gibbs for any leave on a weekday. He tried to tell her that Gibbs would understand and he'd back her request but she pointed out that he was talking about a man whose own home entertainment system consisted solely of a battery operated radio in his basement so he'd conceded the point.

They'd continued the lighthearted banter as they "kicked pasta" at the restaurant and then he'd helped unload everything when they arrived back at her apartment. It was then that he had finally taken the conversation to a more serious level. "So, a convo with Gibbs? Must have been pretty one-sided, huh? Seeing how he's a functional mute and all."

"Actually, no, it was not. He had a lot to say. I asked him a question and he was very thorough with his answer. It helped me to understand some very important things." Okay, that was deliberately vague but he let it go because he figured it meant she didn't want to reveal what they had really talked about. She still had something she needed to say, though. He could tell by her eyes.

"Tony, there is something very important that I need you to understand as well. I have lost Gibbs trust…"

"What do you mean?" he interrupted. "He let you back on the team, didn't he? You made some bad choices, Ziva, but you've more than paid for it. Gibbs gets that."

"This is not about my lack of loyalty, Tony. Gibbs based his trust in me on something that happened before I ever became part of the team and it was a lie. I lied to him, Tony, and he is right to no longer trust me. It is justified."

Tony's response was fast and hard. "Don't say that. Don't ever say those words to me again. There is nothing that justifies what you went through. Why can't you understand that?" And just like that, he had taken them both where they didn't want to go. Somalia. For a few seconds, she wore that same shell-shocked look she'd had after they'd rescued her but then it was replaced by a look that he couldn't quite define although it seemed almost like she was sad for him.

"I do understand that, Tony. Today, I do. I had just spent six very long weeks with a group of men who saw me as something even less than an enemy. My heritage made me filth to them, a complete nonperson of no value who has no right to even exist. And since my own father is the one who chose to put me in their hands, I had come to believe they were right. And I am very sorry that you had to see that. I have spent my whole life fighting the evil that fills men like Salim and I was prepared to die fighting it. I was not prepared to be at its mercy for all those weeks and now that I am no longer there, I can see that I should not have been. You are right. It was not justified. But I was not talking about my time in Somalia. I was talking about Gibbs lack of trust. That is what is justified, Tony."

It took him a minute to absorb everything she had said. She had grown stronger over the last few weeks than he'd realized. But he still thought she had to be wrong about Gibbs.

"Ziva, Gibbs must trust you on some level or he wouldn't have let you back on the team." This was starting to piss him off but whether it was directed at Gibbs or Ziva or somewhere else, he didn't really know. She had obviously been trying so hard to rebuild her life over the last few weeks, fighting to secure her place on the team, and now she believed Gibbs was just writing her off?

She must have been able to tell what he was thinking. "Tony, do not be angry about this. Gibbs is being more than fair to me. He is giving me another chance to prove myself to him, to earn his trust again. I do not think he often does that. And he talked to me last night when I needed him. Tony…he talked to me about Kelly." Wow. That was big. Bigger than big. Absolutely huge. He realized how deeply Gibbs must care about her to put himself out there like that.

"Tony, I need you to promise me something. Promise that you will not trust me either." She held up her hand when he started to protest and then continued. "I am not talking about trusting me as your partner. I am just asking you to not assume I am capable of staying loyal to NCIS when Eli tries to pull me away. Do not ignore your cop instincts because of the way things turned out last time you followed them. Question me. If you think something is wrong, do not try to protect me by yourself. Go to Gibbs. Because I will need you both when Eli gets to me again, and he will try to get to me. That is what Gibbs helped me understand last night. I do not have to be strong enough to stand against him alone. All of you will stand with me. And you will have my back, yes?"

"Absolutely, sweet cheeks," he'd quipped and then ducked as fast as he could to avoid the throw pillow that was hurled at his face with deadly aim.


	4. Chapter 4

Gibbs sighed. He hated cases with missing kids. Fortunately, this one had turned out to be a family kidnapping and the kid hadn't been hurt. His team had worked tirelessly around the clock until the child had been returned safely to his parents. Ziva's sensitivity to the terrified mother had surprised him. She reached out to the panicked woman, gently calming her enough that they'd been able to get the critical evidence they'd needed to track down her delusional mother-in-law before she could do any harm to her grandson or herself. He'd seen a lot more of Ziva's old confidence come back since that night in his basement and it made him wish he'd talked to her sooner instead of putting it off. He'd been about to send the team home when Vance had appeared in the bullpen.

"Officer David" he announced. "I have a conference with Director David in MTAC in fifteen minutes. I'd like you to join me for the first few minutes, please." When Ziva didn't respond immediately, he reminded her once again that as a Mossad liaison officer she would have to be capable of at least having a conversation with the director of Mossad.

"It is not a problem, Director. I will meet you in MTAC in ten minutes." To her credit, she'd retained her usual calm and composure while Leon disappeared back upstairs. Then, she'd sat silently facing her computer monitor for the next ten minutes without ever making eye contact with anyone before reluctantly heading up to MTAC. As soon as she disappeared from sight, he'd told McGee and Dinozzo they could go home and quietly headed to MTAC himself. He slipped into the back of the room unnoticed and waited for Eli David to appear on the screen. He was more than a little shocked by how much older the man looked since he'd last seen him. Eli had gotten down to business right away, giving Ziva the names of the Mossad contacts he'd assigned to work with her and made a show of asking if they were acceptable to her. She told him they were. He'd then outlined some of the types of intelligence gathering where he hoped to have her assistance, all legitimate requests, of course. Ziva assured him that she would do her best to help. He reminded her that her Mossad contacts would be willing to provide any assistance they could with NCIS investigations, as well, and she'd thanked him. It was at that point that Eli finally allowed the conversation to become more personal.

"How are you, my dear? It is wonderful to see you looking so well after your last mission. I know it was a difficult one." _Last mission?_ Gibbs couldn't tell for sure if the man was really that jaded as to think that spending three months of hell as a prisoner in a terrorist camp was a routine mission for an officer of Mossad or if he was being deliberately cruel. He suspected it might be the latter.

"I am fine, Director, thank you." Ziva had responded haughtily and Gibbs had silently cheered. There was still enough fire left in her to fight back, apparently.

"Ziva, is that any way to talk to your father? I have been very concerned for your welfare. That is why I agreed to let you stay with NCIS while you recover." Gibbs could see by her face that the implied message that her time at NCIS was a temporary recovery period was not lost on Ziva but she retained her composure.

"I am sorry, Papa. I did not intend to be disrespectful. We have been searching for a missing child and I am tired. I appreciate that you have allowed me to stay with my friends at NCIS. They have been a great comfort to me these past two months." She'd put just the right amount of humility and thankfulness in her voice to convince him she sincerely respected his authority. Gibbs figured it was something she'd learned from years of practice.

Eli appeared to be satisfied with her answer. "Well, my dear, please thank your Agent Gibbs for me. He did a great thing ridding the world of Saleem Ulman. Now, I will let you get back to the very important task of searching for missing children. Director Vance and I have much to discuss. Shalom."

"Shalom," Ziva replied and then got out of MTAC as quickly as she could. He followed quickly after her expecting that she would not be able to maintain her calm façade much longer. He was not disappointed. She ran down the stairs and then looked around wildly, clearly searching for him.

"Behind you," he said.

She turned to face him before saying, "You were there, yes? You heard him."

"Yea, Ziver, I heard him." He looked away from her long enough to confirm that McGee and Dinozzo had stayed as he suspected they would and then briefly debated whether to have this out with her in front of them or in the elevator. He finally chose the elevator. If she needed to break down, he figured she'd be more comfortable doing it in private. "Come on, my office," he said taking her arm and gently leading her over to the elevator doors.

As soon as the doors closed, he hit the emergency stop button and turned to face her. "You did well in there," he told her. "You didn't let him rattle you."

"I do not care about that. Did you hear what he said? This is temporary. My time here is only temporary," she said, her eyes beginning to well up with tears.

"Hey, calm down. He's screwing with your head. Nothing he said changes anything. You knew this was coming. Still doesn't change anything."

"How can you say that? It changes everything. If he ends my liaison position and I have to go back to Israel, to Mossad, to him…"

"Ziva, stop it," he interrupted. "What did I tell you? Huh? That night in my basement?"

She stared into his eyes for few moments before quietly responding, "You love me. You will always protect me."

"That's right. You're mine. Not his. Don't forget it."

"No, I will not forget," she promised and attempted a small smile as he reached over and released the emergency stop.

By the time they emerged, Abby had joined Dinozzo and McGee as they waited for them to come back out of the elevator. The guys had obviously filled her in because she immediately went to Ziva and wrapped her in one of her signature hugs. "I'm sorry you have such a bastard for a father, Ziva," she said with such vehemence that it earned her an amused smile from Ziva. Dinozzo followed it by announcing this was definitely a night for drinking and volunteered McGee to pay for the first round. Ziva had agreed as McGee protested and the four of them packed up and left for their favorite bar. He hoped her willingness to drink with the others meant the nightmares were getting better.

Gibbs had declined to join them in favor of working on his boat as he usually did but he was pleased to see the progress they had made rebuilding the team camaraderie. He'd been just about ready to wrap things up for the night when Dinozzo called. "You're not gonna believe how low that bastard will stoop, Boss," he'd said, clearly infuriated. They'd left the bar about twenty minutes earlier and Dinozzo had given Ziva a ride home. Fortunately, he'd needed her restroom so he'd ignored her when she insisted she was perfectly capable of walking up by herself and he'd been with her when she found the plain manila envelope that had been left just inside her door. When he got to Ziva's apartment and saw what it contained for himself, he could see why Dinozzo was so pissed. Inside was an 8x10 picture of a wooden chair bearing an eerily similarity to the ones the two of them had been tied to in Somalia. On the back, written in black felt tip marker, was the message "Never forget who you belong to."

He'd stayed at Ziva's apartment long enough to make sure she was okay and then left, taking the envelope and picture with him in an evidence bag. He'd have Abby start on it first thing in the morning although he doubted she'd be able to find anything. Eli was way too smart to give them a way to connect it to him. When he'd left, he had a sneaking suspicion Dinozzo was planning to spend the night but his gut told him it was just for comfort and protection and he didn't have anything to worry about with the two of them, at least not yet. They had both reached the place where they were mature enough not to jump into anything before they were ready.

As he drove home, he let the fury overtake him. He could count on one hand the number of times he'd been as angry as he was at Eli David right now. He wanted nothing more than to kill the bastard for what he'd done to Ziva.


	5. Chapter 5

Tim sighed as he waited for the elevator to reach Abby's lab. It was only 10 a.m. and it felt like he'd already been at work for hours. They'd had a major conversion over the weekend to replace the document management system they used for logging evidence and filing and retrieving all their reports. They'd gone from a fairly user-friendly, menu based type system to something completely counter-intuitive. Just figuring out how to print your report was a pain in the ass. Of course, the transition had been simple for him but Gibbs had yelled every five seconds when he couldn't make the new system do what he wanted. Tim had reminded him that the conversion was Vance's idea and very nearly gotten a head-slap. In hindsight, he probably should've kept his mouth shut.

Unlike Gibbs, Tony had actually taken the training class so he was a little better off. The training had been almost three months ago (what idiot decided that was a good idea?), though, so Tony had a few questions. He'd been compelled to ask them with all his usual teasing about computer nerds, of course. Ziva had been the funniest one, though. She'd still been in Somalia during the training and by the time Tim had arrived this morning, she was already cursing up a storm in Hebrew and threatening to shoot her computer. It reminded him of when she'd first come to NCIS and had trouble making the transition from Macs to PCs. She'd come close to doing some serious damage to her computer then, too. She was so good at so many things that it always surprised him when she couldn't seem to pick up the computer stuff as easily. She'd asked for his help early on and it was part of what solidified their friendship. While she sometimes participated in Tony's teasing of him, from the very beginning, she'd had a subtle way of letting him know that she respected him. He'd been pretty worried about her lately, but this morning he'd seen another flash of the old Ziva again. It was always fun to watch her threaten to kick ass even if it was just her computer's ass. Now that he thought about it, maybe it hadn't been such a bad morning after all. Especially given how bad the prior week had been with Ziva being forced to talk to her father for the first time since they'd rescued her.

"Hey, Abby! Gibbs sent me to see what you found on that knife from the Riley case," he said as put a fresh CafPow! on the table beside her.

"Is everything okay? I thought someone would've been here already. I mean, I've had the results for like two whole hours now," she worried.

"Oh, no, everything's fine. Just the new system conversion is slowing everyone down. Gibbs is in a bad mood and Ziva's about to shoot her computer," he explained.

"When is Gibbs ever in a good mood, Tim? Poor Ziva. She would have had trouble even if she had been here for the training," Abby replied with amused sympathy.

"Yea, when it comes to computers, she just doesn't have the skills. Of course, I'd never say that to her face, seeing as how she could kill me with a paperclip and all. I'm amazed she found a way to set up that highly encrypted email account she used with Rivkin." Even as he said it, Tim realized how inappropriate it was. Damn, sometimes his mouth just got ahead of his brain.

"Timmy, don't say that name. You know I don't like to talk about that time when we thought we'd never see Ziva again and Tony was all depressed…oh my God, Timmy, oh my God, oh my God…we screwed up!" Abby was well on her way to working herself into a rant.

"Abby, slow down. What are you talking about? What did we screw up?" he questioned.

"We traced the emails off Saleem's laptop from Rivkin's email accounts to the encrypted NCIS account they were sent to…"

"Yes..."

"Then, we translated the emails from Hebrew to English. Which was really hard and took a long time..."

"Okay..."

"And then Gibbs called with his global 'What ya got Abs?' so we gave him what we had. We told him we thought Ziva might know more than she was telling."

"I know, Abby. I was there, remember?"

"Tim…when we saw the account was set up using Ziva's login id, we just stopped. We just assumed it was Ziva because the emails were between her and Rivkin. We didn't think about how she actually got the account set up or what it would take to configure the encryption. How could she do that? Did she have help? Or was it someone else entirely? Oh, my God, Tim, what if she wasn't really the one who was using the NCIS account at all? What if someone set her up?"

"I'll call Gibbs."

Gibbs tried to listen to Abby's rambling but after all the computer frustrations of the morning his patience with her was wearing thin.

"Get to the point, Abs, what are you trying to tell me?" he barked.

"We screwed up, Gibbs. In the biggest way possible. We don't think Ziva was the one emailing Rivkin. We should have checked on the NCIS side to find out who set the account up and who was using it instead of assuming it was her because it was under her login id. There's no way Ziva set that account up herself, at least not without help. The encryption was too complex. She doesn't have the computer skills." Abby finally explained.

"No, but I know someone who does," Gibbs thought to himself before replying out loud. "Get me the printouts of those emails, Hebrew and your English translation, and then figure out who the hell was using that account. Now."

Gibbs approached Ziva cautiously. He was going to have to handle this very carefully. He didn't want to destroy the fragile confidence she had in him by causing her to think he was questioning her loyalty again. "Ziva, need you to look at something for me." She reached for the stack of papers in his hand and then looked up at him with surprised eyes when he didn't let go of them immediately. "Need you to know something first. I've known about these since last May. Doesn't change anything. Got it?"

She said okay and then began reading the papers. He watched as her face changed from an interested to puzzled and finally to a near panicked expression. "I did not send these Gibbs. I have never seen them before. This was not me. You have to believe me."

"I do. I just wanted to hear you say it. Now, what can you tell me about them?"

She studied them for a minute and then answered, "Well, for one thing, the Hebrew is pretty basic. The grammar is fine but the vocabulary is not very sophisticated. In fact, I doubt Michael wrote this either, at least not if he thought he was writing to me. He used slang, abbreviations, stuff like that when we corresponded. And this one that closes with 'I love you' can not be real. We were not at that point in our relationship. We never said those words to each other. The translations are fairly accurate but I guess that would not be so difficult with the text book vocabulary."

"So, you're thinking at least one of the people corresponding wasn't a native Hebrew speaker? Maybe learned it as a second language?" he questioned.

"Yes, that is exactly what I think. Also, I am not convinced that the requestor is the same every time. The communication style varies a little between some of the emails. And whoever it was, they were not trying very hard to be accurate about my relationship with Michael. They make references to things we never did, never said."

At that point, Gibbs became distracted by his phone. "Got it, Abs." Without another word, Gibbs grabbed the emails out of Ziva's hands and marched toward the stairs to Vance's office.

"Just what in the hell were you playing at?" Gibbs shouted as he stormed into Vance's office.

"Uh, honey, I'm going to need to call you back," Vance said into the phone before hanging up and turning toward Gibbs. "You want to tell me what the hell you think you're doing storming into my office like this?"

"Trying to figure out what the hell you've been doing. You speak Hebrew, Leon? Got any encrypted email accounts?"

"Just what exactly are you accusing me of, Gibbs?"

"Not accusing you of anything, Director. Just finally asking the damn questions, that's all. Last May, were you feeding Mossad the intel they needed to kill terrorists in the U.S.?"

"Yes, and since you probably won't ask, let me just go ahead and tell you that it was sanctioned."

"Sanctioned by _who_, Leon?"

"SecNav."

"You trying to tell me you had orders form SecNav to help Mossad conduct assassinations on American soil?"

"Not help directly, but indirectly, yes. I'm not even sure Eli knew it was me that was feeding the intel. I gave him the email account and told him his people could submit requests through it when they needed to, requests they couldn't legitimately make to Officer David. And, yes, we agreed to use David's relationship with Rivkin to cover it up. We couldn't afford for it to get out that the information was coming from a U.S. government agency. Having it come from an over zealous liaison officer was acceptable. But I had no intention of letting her get hurt by it. I would have given her a simple reprimand and Eli would have ordered her to play along for the common good. I didn't know you'd find out about it and choose to leave her behind in Israel."

"You didn't try to stop me from leaving her either, Leon. Didn't bother to try to create any doubt about whether she'd been disloyal. In fact, you added to it by telling me she was under orders when she killed Ari."

"I was just passing along something Eli told me after we got back. I can see now that he wanted to be sure you didn't try to stop her from undertaking Rivkin's mission. Do you follow politics at all Gibbs? Current events? See any of the speeches at the U.N. last week?"

"You going somewhere with this or just planning to give me a civics lesson, Leon?"

"The political climate for Israel is complicated, Gibbs. This is not just about some isolated terrorists groups like Hamas or Hezbollah and their suicide bombers. Entire governments are against Israel and men like Saleem, radical extremists, are rallying those governments to unite – Iran, Libya, Turkey, the list goes on. They have one purpose and one purpose only, to wipe Israel off the face of the earth. Eli David is a visionary. He sees what the future holds if men like that continue to exist and he has the balls to do something about it. He does what we can't, so, yes, we help him when we can. Do I trust him? No, but he's what we've got to work with right now. We need Israel to remain intact if we want to have enough presence in the Middle East to be able to prevent another 9-11 or worse."

"Eli David is a _visionary_, Leon? He's a psychopath who ordered his own daughter to kill his son to gain my trust and then sent her on a suicide mission as a reward for a job well done. That doesn't bother you at all?"

"He wanted her for that mission because she was the right one for the job. You and I both know that she is one of the very best there is, Gibbs. Yes, it was a risky operation but he thought she had the skill to pull it off. She's been a Mossad operative since she was a teenager. She knew the risks and she also knew why it was necessary."

"Is that how you do it? That how you remember her face the day we brought her back from Somalia and still sleep at night? By telling yourself she knew what she was getting into? That she signed up to spend three months at the mercy of a man like Saleem?"

"What do you want from me Gibbs? What happened to Ziva is done. It can't be undone. What do you want me to do about it now?"

"I've already told you what I want, Director. Two things. I want to be able to trust the person who sits in that chair and I want to protect my team. There's not much you can do about the first one unless you're planning on resigning any time soon."

"I'm afraid that's not happening. And the second? What about that?"

"Fix it, Leon. You owe her that much. Fix it so I can keep her here with me. Keep her safe. Permanently. You fix it or I will."

"I already have, Gibbs. I was just waiting to be sure you wanted to keep her."

Gibbs was half way out the door before Vance stopped him. "Gibbs, regardless of how you feel about him, Eli David is a vital part of the security of Israel right now. Ziva may be loyal to you and she may make Washington her home now but Israel is still her birth place. The place where she grew up. She loved it enough to defend and protect it for more than half her life. She was willing to defend it _with_ her life. Think long and hard about that before you do anything that could inadvertently lead to its destruction."

Leon Vance waited out of sight until he saw that all of Gibbs's team was assembled in the bullpen, Abby and Ducky included. He wanted to be sure everyone was there to witness his conversation with Ziva. "Officer David," he said, loudly enough for everyone to hear. "You have an interview at 9 a.m. in the morning with Mary Weatherford at the I.N.S. field office in Fairfax. Don't be late. They frown on that. She needs to review your application for permanent residency with you before she issues you a green card. The interview will just be a formality. Be sure you bring a copy of the paperwork to HR when you get back so they can update your employment status. Oh, and Ms. Weatherford will also have information on how you can apply for U.S. citizenship if that is something you are interested in pursuing."

"What application? I did not submit an application to I.N.S." a confused Ziva replied.

"I believe it was dated the day after you got back from Somalia. There was a lot going on that day and it was a difficult time for you so I can see how you might not have realized what all you were signing. Nevertheless, the processing is complete, and the interview is all that remains, so I think it is safe to say welcome aboard, Special Agent David."

Vance winced at the sound of Abby's high-pitched squeal and then smiled as a jubilant Dinozzo swung an arm around Ziva's shoulders. "Hell, yea, I like the sound of that! This is my partner, _Special Agent_ David." With a brief nod to Gibbs, Vance turned and went back upstairs, leaving the team to continue their celebration.

Gibbs watched Ziva intently. He didn't think he'd ever seen her with a more vibrant smile. As she hugged Abby one more time, her eyes caught his and she silently mouthed, "Thank you" and then a slightly hesitant "I love you." His eyes never leaving her face, Gibbs thought maybe that smile alone might be enough for him to forgive Leon Vance for the part he'd played in her ordeal. Or maybe not.

Halfway around the world in Tel Aviv, Israel, Eli David was getting an early start to his day. As he opened his office door, he nearly stepped on the plain manila envelop lying on the floor. He opened it to find a glossy white sheet of paper with a message written in black felt tip marker. It read simply "Never forget who she belongs to." Turning it over, he found a picture of a Bravo 51 sniper rifle.


End file.
